Are You Living a Life of Abundance or Scarcity?

Do you feel there is plenty to go around or do you believe there is a limited amount out there and everyone needs to compete for it?

Do you believe opportunities are few and far between or do you think life is filled with opportunities that create ever new opportunities?

Do you enjoy sharing or do you do it mainly out of obligation?

Do you enjoy helping others reach success or do you feel this may diminish your own success?

Do you share credit and feel genuinely happy for the success of other people or do you feel jealousy and inadequacy when faced with the success of others?

Do you feel that loved ones do not give you enough of their time or are you thankful for the time that they do give you?

Do you openly share in decision-making or do you feel defensive about making your own decisions?

Ultimately, do you live with a Scarcity Mentality or an Abundance Mentality?

People who live with a Scarcity Mentality believe that there is a lack in life and that opportunities are rare. With this view, they believe they only have one shot at chances and if they stumble, they feel like complete failures. Often, they take things too seriously and believe if they fail all hell will break loose (which it won’t, just in case you’re wondering). They believe risks are high and that they have to be vigilant to get by.  They may come across as needy and nervous in relationships instead of relaxed. They feel protective over what they have (belongings, relationships, time) and are hesitant to share. This puts them on constant guard and can be quite difficult, as it produces a great deal of anxiety, stress, and fear.

Alternatively, people living from a place of Abundance have a deep inner sense of worth and security. They fundamentally believe that there is plenty in this world to go around.  When faced with adversity, an abundance mentality believes there are always new opportunities ahead. This takes the pressure off and probably allows them to improve their performance.

Building off of my Karma post, I am noticing that scarcity breeds more scarcity. If you approach situations with a scarcity mentality, you will often be met with a scarcity response. You see this often in pursuer/avoider relationships (either friendly or romantic).  The pursuer comes from a place of scarcity and complains they never get enough of their friend/lover’s time and attention. “I’m always the one calling you and you never make time for me!” The avoider often reacts with a Scarcity Mentality by feeling protective of their limited attention/love/time that the other person is trying to get. “Don’t try to take my limited time from me! I already give you so much and I only have so much to give!”

This doesn’t sound like a fun place for either person. How can it be turned around? Imagine if one person came from a place of abundance, would this breed more abundance? Let’s take the same example.  Imagine if the ‘pursuer’ approached it from a place of abundance “I enjoy spending time with you and I look forward to an opportunity to hang out and I trust that it will happen.”  In this circumstance, the ‘avoider’ would likely feel less pressure and be able to respond with an abundance mentality. “I enjoy spending time with you too and I look forward to the space opening up so we can hang out again soon.”  

What if your starting place is scarcity? Can abundance trump scarcity? I feel like someone living with a scarcity mentality would need to be shown abundance over and over before their mindset would begin to change. But I do believe it can happen. For example, if I arrive to a picnic with my own lunch and don’t intend to share (because I believe it is limited and I need to keep it all to myself), I will quickly change my attitude if someone shares with me. Suddenly, my mindframe shifts from seeing my small and limited lunch to seeing an abundance of food shared amongst friends.  Sharing often breeds more sharing! Magic. 

One question still begs to be asked: Can Abundance Mentality lead to destruction? Isn’t our world’s history littered with examples of this mentality causing multiple destructions (such as wiping out sea otter populations or forests)?  I pondered this for a long while. At first, I believed the answer lied in finding a Golden Mean  between a Scarcity and Abundance Mentality but then I dug a bit deeper. Perhaps the fur traders of our past were actually living with a Scarcity Mentality and believed that life had only so much to go around and they had to compete to get a big piece of it. In doing so, they depleted sea otter populations faster than the populations could replenish themselves. Perhaps, then, the magic balance is living your life with an Abundance Mentality while respecting the right of every being to live their own lives of abundance.

How can you foster an Abundance Mentality? Here is a summary of tips from another website:

1.           Check in with yourself and notice when you are showing symptoms of a scarcity mentality.
2.           Focus on abundance, not on lack. If you lack a comfortable home, don’t focus on this. Instead, focus on the possibilities of opportunities to create a comfortable home.
3.           Appreciate. This is a powerful tool that goes a long way. Before you fall asleep every night, tell your pillow, your journal, or your partner what you appreciated in your day.  You can also try this when you’re in a bad mood and watch the affects as your mood lifts.
4.           Surround yourself with people who have an abundance mentality. It’s simple and effective. While you’re at it, cut our sources of the scarcity mentality (such as TV and media – especially the news).
5.           Share. Even when you don’t feel you have enough, share. This goes a long way to help you feel you are living a life of abundance.
6.           Create win-win situations. Shift from a win-lose to a win-win attitude. For example, instead of winning an argument, try to reach a consensus that you both can be happy with. Instead of competing, collaborate.
7.           Make Reminders. It’s easy to slip back into old mental habits so set yourself up to succeed by using reminders (notes, bracelets, quotes) that will remind you of your new abundance mentality.
8.           When you face your biggest loss, find the greatest opportunity that it may be hiding.

Cravings and Aversions: The Power of Observation

I recently returned from a 10 day silent meditation retreat outside of Merritt. Upon my arrival back to the city, I was surprised by the number of people who wanted to know more about my experience. I wasn't expecting the level of interest (and slight shock) that people in my life displayed. In response, this blog is going to attempt to capture the essence of my experience there.

The heart of what we learned at the Vipassana Centre was to free ourselves from our cravings and aversions. We began to experientially understand why cravings and aversions are pointless because of what Buddah called Anicca (an-itch-ah). Anicca is Pali for impermanence. Recognizing that anicca characterizes everything is one of the first steps in freeing ourselves from suffering.  Because nothing is permanent, it is pointless to crave or avert things. Everything rises to pass away and to become attached or to wish things were different only causes suffering.   

SLAVES TO AVERSION
If you hold an aversion to something, you have an extreme dislike for it and wish it would go away. In my experience, we seem to hold aversions on a number of levels:
1) Aversions of the body
2) Emotional aversions
3) Mental aversions

Aversions of the Body
Pain, itches, hunger, cold, heat, thirst, fatigue, illness...the list of bodily sensations that we hold aversions to is long! These bodily sensations are not bad on their own. It is our aversions to them that cause us to suffer. If I have a stomach ache, I immediately feel an aversion to it. "I don't want to have a stomach ache. Poor me with my stomach ache." This causes me to tense up and exaggerate not only the ache's intensity, but the length of time it lasts.

Emotional Aversions
Sadness, grief, worry, anger, guilt, jealousy, frustration, depression...there are so many emotions that we hold aversions to. If we feel one of these emotions, we usually feed it with our aversions. "I feel angry and I don't like feeling angry. This person made me angry by doing such and such so it's there fault. Ooo this makes me so angry!" This loop feeds itself and your anger gets out of control very quickly. On top of this, other people may pick up on your anger and have a whole other chain reaction happening inside them because they have aversions to your anger. The suffering spreads.

Mental Aversions
On the mental level, it's common to have aversions to prejudices, judgement, criticism, and other external influences. We can even have aversions to how we may not be measuring up to standards we set for ourselves. "I shouldn't be in this pay bracket. I shouldn't be single. I shouldn't be so shy. I shouldn't have a menial job."

SLAVES TO CRAVINGS
What about all the pleasant sensations, feelings, and situations? I hate to break it to you, but anicca applies to the pleasant as well as the unpleasant. Because of this, if we cling to pleasant sensations we are causing our own suffering because nothing is permanent. Our cravings for situations to be pleasant lead to suffering in the end.

ARE YOU A VICTIM?
Responding and reacting to our aversions and cravings usually causes us to place responsibility externally. "He made me sad. Genetics gave me this disease. I want my partner to do this for me." As soon as we realize how our cravings and aversions to things are multiplying our sufferings, we internalize this responsibility and gain back control.  We are no longer victims. We have the power to come out of the suffering.


THE POWER OF OBSERVATION
How do you free yourself from your cravings and aversions?  Mental aversions/cravings can fuel emotional aversions/cravings which can fuel physical aversions/cravings and vice versa. The physical level is the most fundamental level that we hold cravings and aversions, because everything manifests as a physical sensation. If you allow your awareness to tune into what's happening physically you will often find the physical sensation associated with an emotion. If you take a moment to notice the physical sensations you are feeling and remind yourself that these sensations will pass, then you won't generate aversions and cravings. Don't ignore the sensations and emotions as this can cause them to multiply deep inside. Instead, feel them, acknowledge them, and accept them without willing them to go away or to stay. Nothing is permanent so you may find that if you stay with the sensation of these emotions it will eventually fade. "I see the sadness and I accept it without reacting to it or wishing it to go away." Somehow, by accepting it you stop fueling it and it passes.

Remember anicca. Everything rises to pass away. Nothing is permanent.

This is no easy feat and it takes a lot of practice and discipline to come out of this mind pattern. The best way to start is to notice when you are under the influence of a craving or aversion and to come out of it as soon as you can. In the beginning, this may mean you brood in anger for 6 hours instead of 7. That's a whole hour you've gained! Eventually it could mean you notice the anger, sit with it for 10 minutes and watch as it passes.

Isn't it empowering to know we have the means to alleviate our suffering and that we don't have to be victims to external factors?